Realness

I need to vent. It is 6:37 in the evening...one daughter down for bed...two to go. Still too early to put the oldest two down. I am feeling exhausted lately. My husband is entertaining at the turkey hunt this evening. And I am glad he is involved in our community and I am so proud of him. Most evenings, he is at home being an awesome daddy and husband. I have decided tonight that there is no way I could do it by myself. I have a lot of respect for all the single mothers out there. Three children are a lot to handle...and I know some families have more and juggle it all. I am just ready to put Nelley down without her crying. WHY do babies have to cry? I never cry when I go to bed....I am actually excited about it. But Nelley always cries when we put her down....naps, bedtime, whatever. I can't stand this time...I have never been one of those mothers that truly enjoys the stage up to one year....I am ready for her to walk, talk....age 2 is about my favorite. And I know I shouldn't hurry it. But I think my age is showing...I will be 37 shortly...and thinking back to my own mother.....who was 38 when I went to OSU...I am questioning....should we have had our children earlier? What were we thinking wanting three? We had it made with two older girls. I know this sounds selfish...but bear with me people...blogger sisters out there....I love my three girls and wouldn't trade them for the world and realize they are gifts from God...but this Mother is just asking for some "me" time. I can't even take a day off of work for the next weeks because of state wide testing. My house can't even get clean because by the time I get through doing laundry...it's already piled up again in the laundry baskets! And the piles haven't even been put away yet. All I want to do in my free time is sit down and kick my feet up. Not happening. One good thing I have been doing is walking at night...and at night...I mean when the girls are in bed. Hoping to get a chance to drop this baby weight...that's still on me after almost nine months. I know God will get me through this....I am just asking for a little break....maybe that break will be called summer....who knows. K...gotta go...Nelley is still crying and has been through this whole blog. THere...I said it and feel a little better...it felt good typing it......now pulling those big girl Momma panties back up and soothing my sweet baby girl.....thank you god for the blessings in my life!!!! Focus!